And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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