Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
