Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
