my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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