Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
