His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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