those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
