frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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