the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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