Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just sent this text using only my big toe
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
