I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
