At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
