She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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