And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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