she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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