In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
