I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
