jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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