..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Who died my cat blue again?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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