Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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