if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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