I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You left your phone here
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