Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
