Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
