I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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