and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
be right there i have to get my cape
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
