ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
