i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My dick has a subreddit
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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