Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
