i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.