I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
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You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick