My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!