u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.