I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps