I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.