feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
