Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
