did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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