Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
