i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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