im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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