Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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