So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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