Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Randomize
