Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
