this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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