Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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