Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
