i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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