I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
