At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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