Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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