her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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