just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
