There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
