I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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