i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
