We won't sleep together?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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