If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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