All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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