i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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