I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
