You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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